One of the most challenging aspects of caring for someone living with dementia is learning to navigate conversations when their version of reality differs from your own. It can feel instinctive to correct them or set the record straight — but doing so often leads to frustration, distress, and a breakdown in communication that leaves everyone feeling worse.
Avoiding corrections isn’t about ignoring the truth. It’s about recognising that in that moment, their emotional wellbeing matters more than factual accuracy.
Why Contradictions Cause Distress
Dementia affects the brain in ways that make processing new information, recalling memories, and reasoning through situations genuinely difficult. When someone living with dementia says something that isn’t accurate, it’s usually because they are drawing on fragments of memory or filling gaps in ways that make complete sense to them in that moment.
Correcting or contradicting them can:
- Increase confusion — challenging their version of events can leave them feeling more disoriented, not less
- Cause embarrassment or shame — being told they’re wrong is hurtful, even when it’s unintentional
- Trigger emotional outbursts — repeated corrections can lead to frustration, anger, or withdrawal
Avoiding corrections creates a space where the person feels respected and supported, even when the conversation has drifted from objective reality.
The Power of Validation
Validation means acknowledging the person’s feelings rather than challenging their words. It’s about meeting them where they are emotionally and responding in a way that makes them feel heard — not tested.
Some examples of how this works in practice:
If they say “I need to catch the train to work” — despite having been retired for years — try: “You always worked so hard. What was your favourite part of the job?” This acknowledges their past without confronting the inaccuracy, and shifts the conversation toward a positive memory.
If they express fear about a long-deceased relative being in danger, try: “It sounds like you’re really worried about them. Let’s sit down together and talk about it.” This validates the concern without reinforcing a distressing inaccuracy.
For more on validation as an approach, see Validate Feelings Rather Than Correcting — Connect with the Emotion, Not the Fact.
Practical Strategies
Enter their reality rather than pulling them into yours
Rather than trying to bring the person back to your version of events, respond to their words with empathy and curiosity. If they mention something that doesn’t match reality — “I saw snow outside in July” — respond with interest: “Oh, snow sounds lovely! What do you like most about it?” This keeps the conversation flowing and avoids unnecessary tension.
Redirect gently when needed
If the person becomes stuck on an inaccurate or distressing idea, gently shift the conversation rather than challenging it directly. If they insist they need to pack for a trip that doesn’t exist, engage with the feeling: “Tell me more about where you’re going!” — and then move gradually toward a different activity. Redirection works with the emotion rather than against it.
Let go of the urge to correct
Take a breath before responding to something you know isn’t accurate. Remind yourself that their feelings matter more than the facts in that moment. Being patient reduces the chance of escalation and helps preserve a positive, trusting relationship over time.
The Role of Empathy
When you focus on the emotion behind the words rather than the words themselves, it becomes much easier to respond with kindness. If the person expresses concern about missing an event that has already passed, acknowledge the anxiety they’re feeling and offer reassurance. If they claim to have done something improbable, acknowledge the pride or satisfaction they feel rather than dismissing the claim.
The question to ask yourself isn’t “Is this true?” It’s “What are they feeling, and how can I help them feel safe?”
Common Challenges
Feeling frustrated — it’s completely natural to feel frustrated when someone’s version of reality conflicts repeatedly with your own. These moments are not intentional. Naming the frustration privately, rather than letting it show in the conversation, helps.
Answering the same question repeatedly — rather than pointing out the repetition, respond as though it’s the first time they’ve asked. The question is real to them each time, and a patient response costs far less than the distress a correction causes.
Distressing statements — if their reality involves frightening thoughts, such as believing someone they love is in danger, focus on comfort rather than correction. Reassurance, a calm presence, and gentle physical touch — holding a hand, sitting close — can soothe in ways that words cannot.
For more on active listening and responding to emotion, see Listen Actively — It’s the Emotion That Matters, Not Just the Words.
Avoiding corrections and contradictions is an act of respect. It says: your experience is valid, your feelings matter, and you are safe here. In the long run, that message — given consistently, even imperfectly — does more to maintain trust and reduce distress than any factual correction ever could.
Carer wellbeing is something we take seriously in the Getting to Know Dementia programme — particularly in Part 6, where we explore what it means to be an advocate, build a support team, and look after yourself alongside the person you care for. Find out more about the programme and upcoming dates.
Sources
- Alzheimer’s Society. How to Communicate with a Person with Dementia. https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/dementia-symptoms/how-to-communicate-dementia
- Dementia UK. Communication and Dementia. https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/communication-and-dementia/
- NHS. Communicating and Dementia. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/dementia/communication/