Focus on What They Can Do, Not What They’ve Lost

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Caring for someone living with dementia often involves witnessing changes that can feel overwhelming and heartbreaking. It’s natural to grieve for what has been lost, but shifting the focus to what the person can still do — rather than what they can’t — can make a real difference. Encouraging independence, nurturing strengths, and celebrating abilities fosters dignity, confidence, and a sense of purpose.

Why Ability-Focused Care Matters

When dementia progresses, it’s easy to become focused on the things the person can no longer manage — remembering names, following conversations, or completing everyday tasks. While these losses are genuinely difficult to navigate, the individual still holds abilities, experiences, and emotions that deserve recognition.

Focusing on what they can do:

  • Maintains self-esteem — recognising achievements, however small, fosters confidence
  • Encourages engagement — when people feel capable, they are more likely to participate in activities
  • Reduces frustration and distress — constant reminders of what’s difficult can lead to anxiety and withdrawal
  • Strengthens relationships — shared activities based on retained abilities create meaningful moments
  • Improves wellbeing — feeling valued and capable contributes to a better mood and outlook

Ways to Focus on Abilities

Supporting someone living with dementia involves adapting tasks and activities to match their current strengths. Here are some practical ways to emphasise what they can still do.

Adapt activities to match abilities

People living with dementia can often still engage in hobbies they love, with some adjustments. For example:

  • Someone who enjoyed gardening may no longer manage heavy lifting but can still plant flowers or water plants
  • A former baker may not follow complex recipes but can still help mix ingredients or roll out dough
  • A person who loves music may struggle to play an instrument but can still enjoy singing or listening to familiar songs

By modifying tasks, the person can remain involved in their passions without frustration.

Encourage everyday independence

Although it’s tempting to do things for someone when tasks become difficult, allowing them to do what they can promotes confidence. Instead of stepping in immediately, provide gentle support:

  • Lay out clothes for dressing rather than dressing them entirely
  • Offer cutlery that’s easy to hold rather than feeding them
  • Give choices when possible to maintain a sense of control — “Would you like tea or coffee?”

Small moments of autonomy contribute to a sense of dignity and normality.

Use strength-based communication

Changes in speech and memory can make conversations difficult, but focusing on retained communication skills helps keep interactions positive:

  • If words are lost, respond to gestures and facial expressions
  • Encourage storytelling by using old photos or familiar music as conversation prompts
  • Keep questions simple — “Did you enjoy your meal?” rather than “What did you think about dinner?”
  • Validate emotions rather than correcting mistakes — if they believe they need to “go to work,” ask about their job rather than correcting them

By focusing on what they can express, you create a space where communication feels comfortable rather than frustrating.

Find new ways to adapt to change

As abilities change, new approaches can help maintain involvement:

  • Use visual prompts instead of verbal instructions — showing how to brush teeth rather than explaining
  • Use assistive tools such as large-handled cutlery, spill-proof cups, or memory aids
  • Break tasks into smaller steps, making them more manageable and less overwhelming

Celebrate small wins

Acknowledge every success, no matter how minor. Whether it’s buttoning a shirt, recognising someone familiar, or completing a puzzle, positive reinforcement boosts confidence and encourages continued engagement.

Instead of focusing on what’s gone, highlight what remains:

  • “You made a beautiful colour choice for your painting today.”
  • “That’s a lovely smile — it’s great to see you happy.”
  • “You remembered the song lyrics! Let’s sing together.”

Shifting Your Own Perspective

Caring for someone living with dementia is emotionally exhausting, and it’s completely understandable to feel sadness over changes. However, shifting focus to abilities rather than losses can make the caring experience more fulfilling for both of you.

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by the losses:

  • Keep a simple daily record of positive moments — a reminder of what’s still possible
  • Talk to other carers who understand the journey; sharing helps
  • Seek support groups or counselling to process difficult emotions

Seeking Additional Support

Every dementia journey is different, and professional support can help navigate the changes. If you’re unsure how to adapt activities or maintain independence, consider reaching out to:

  • Alzheimer’s Society for practical guidance and carer resources — alzheimers.org.uk
  • Dementia UK for one-to-one support from Admiral Nurses — dementiauk.org
  • Your local dementia support group for tailored advice and peer support

Dementia changes abilities, but it does not erase a person’s value or their capacity for joy. By focusing on what they can do, carers can help maintain dignity, foster engagement, and create moments of connection that truly matter.

Carer wellbeing is something we take seriously in the Getting to Know Dementia programme — particularly in Part 6, where we explore what it means to be an advocate, build a support team, and look after yourself alongside the person you care for. Find out more about the programme and upcoming dates.

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