Focus on What They Can Do, Not What They’ve Lost

Caring for someone with dementia often involves witnessing changes that can feel overwhelming and heartbreaking. It’s natural to grieve for what has been lost, but shifting the focus to what the person can still do—rather than what they can’t—can make a world of difference. Encouraging independence, nurturing strengths, and celebrating abilities fosters dignity, confidence, and a sense of purpose.

The Alzheimer’s Association highlights the importance of ability-focused care, which not only benefits the person living with dementia but also helps carers approach the journey with a more positive and supportive mindset.

Why Ability-Focused Care Matters

When dementia progresses, it’s easy to become fixated on the things the person can no longer manage—remembering names, following conversations, or completing everyday tasks. While these losses can be difficult to navigate, the individual still holds abilities, experiences, and emotions that deserve recognition.

Focusing on what they can do:

• Maintains self-esteem – Recognising achievements, however small, fosters confidence.
• Encourages engagement – When people feel capable, they are more likely to participate in activities.
• Reduces frustration and distress – Constant reminders of what’s difficult can lead to anxiety and withdrawal.
• Strengthens relationships – Shared activities based on retained abilities create meaningful moments.
• Improves well-being – Feeling valued and capable contributes to a better mood and outlook.

Ways to Focus on Abilities

Supporting someone with dementia involves adapting tasks and activities to match their current strengths. Here are some practical ways to emphasise what they can still do:

1. Adapt Activities to Match Abilities

People with dementia can often still engage in hobbies they love, with some adjustments. For example:

• Someone who enjoyed gardening may no longer manage heavy lifting but can still plant flowers or water plants.
• A former baker may not follow complex recipes but can still help mix ingredients or roll out dough.
• A person who loves music may struggle to play an instrument but can still enjoy singing or listening to familiar songs.

By modifying tasks, the person can remain involved in their passions without frustration.

2. Encourage Everyday Independence

Although it’s tempting to do things for someone when tasks become difficult, allowing them to do what they can promotes confidence. Instead of stepping in immediately, provide gentle support:

• Lay out clothes for dressing rather than dressing them entirely.
• Offer cutlery that’s easy to hold rather than feeding them.
• Give choices when possible to maintain a sense of control (e.g., “Would you like tea or coffee?”).

Small moments of autonomy contribute to a sense of dignity and normalcy.

3. Use Strength-Based Communication

Changes in speech and memory can make conversations difficult, but focusing on retained communication skills helps keep interactions positive:

• If words are lost, respond to gestures and facial expressions.
• Encourage storytelling by using old photos or familiar music as conversation prompts.
• Keep questions simple (e.g., “Did you enjoy your meal?” instead of “What did you think about dinner?”).
• Validate emotions rather than correcting mistakes (e.g., if they believe they need to “go to work,” ask about their job instead of correcting them).

By focusing on what they can express, you create a space where communication is comfortable, not frustrating.

4. Find New Ways to Adapt to Change

As abilities change, new ways of doing things can help maintain involvement. Consider:

• Visual prompts instead of verbal instructions (e.g., showing how to brush teeth instead of explaining).
• Using assistive tools, such as large-handled cutlery, spill-proof cups, or memory aids.
• Breaking tasks into smaller steps, making them more manageable and less overwhelming.

Adjustments allow the person to continue participating without feeling overwhelmed or incapable.

5. Celebrate Small Wins

Acknowledge every success, no matter how minor. Whether it’s buttoning a shirt, recognising a loved one, or completing a puzzle, positive reinforcement boosts confidence and encourages continued engagement.

Instead of focusing on what’s gone, highlight what remains:

• “You made a beautiful colour choice for your painting today.”
• “That’s a lovely smile—it’s great to see you happy.”
• “You remembered the song lyrics! Let’s sing together.”

Shifting the Carer’s Perspective

Caring for someone with dementia is emotionally exhausting, and it’s okay to feel sadness over changes. However, shifting focus to abilities rather than losses can create a more fulfilling caregiving experience.

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by the losses:

• Keep a daily record of positive moments to remind yourself of what’s still possible.
• Talk to other carers who understand the journey—it helps to share.
• Seek support groups or counselling to process difficult emotions.
• Remember, your care and encouragement make a difference in their experience.

Seeking Additional Support

Every dementia journey is different, and professional support can help navigate the changes. If you’re unsure how to adapt activities or maintain independence, consider reaching out to:

• Alzheimer’s Society for practical guidance and carer resources.
• Dementia UK for one-to-one support from Admiral Nurses.
• Local dementia groups for tailored advice and peer support.

Dementia changes abilities, but it does not erase a person’s value or capacity for joy. By focusing on what they can do, carers can help maintain dignity, foster engagement, and create moments of connection that truly matter.

Sources:

• Alzheimer’s Association. (n.d.). “Focusing on Strengths in Dementia Care.” Available at: https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving [Accessed 9 March 2025]
• Alzheimer’s Society. (2023). “Encouraging Independence in Dementia.” Available at: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/daily-living/encouraging-independence [Accessed 9 March 2025]
• Dementia UK. (n.d.). “Activities and Wellbeing for People with Dementia.” Available at: https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/daily-living-and-activities/ [Accessed 9 March 2025]